we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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