Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
