I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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