sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
