I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
