Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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