dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
