I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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