Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
