idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
