Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
