You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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