my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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