More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
