we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
