im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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