Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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