I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
