I want to have your abortion
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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