Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I stole a fireplace last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
