i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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