the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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