Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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