Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
