Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
