why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
