It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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