i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My vagina is officially offended.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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