There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
