You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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