thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Randomize
