Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
