all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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