dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
