My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
