Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
only you would photoshop your dick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
