My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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