i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
