dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
