Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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