There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
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Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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