is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
