hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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