So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
