i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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