Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
