i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
