3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
