somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
