If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
