Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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