Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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