You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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