I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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