A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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