He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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