Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
