She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
