i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
