Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
