I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
