i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
