Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
