bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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