She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
