I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
