Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
