I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
