I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
