so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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