all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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