Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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