I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
