It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
