She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
