she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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