Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
