Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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