I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
