my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
