then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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