I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
