But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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